‘I feel like this is crossing a line. My apartment is my safe space’: Woman refuses her friend’s demand for a spare apartment key to drop in anytime, gets labeled controlling by the friend

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  • AITH for refusing to let my friend borrow my apartment key after she keeps showing up unannounced?

    W
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  • I (24F) live in a small apartment in the city, and I have a friend (25F) who's been acting kind of overstepping lately.
  • She doesn't live nearby, so sometimes she wants to drop by to hang out. I've always enjoyed her company, but lately she's been asking to borrow my apartment key.
  • She wants to come whenever she feels like it, even when I'm not home. At first, I tried to be polite and said no, but she kept pushing.
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  • She said it's easier for me or I won't bother you. Last week, she texted me again asking for the key, and I said absolutely not.
  • I'm not comfortable with anyone having access to my home when I'm not there. She got really upset and accused me of being controlling and not trusting our friendship.
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  • I feel like this is crossing a line. My apartment is my safe space, and I don't want someone coming in whenever they feel like it.
  • I've tried explaining that it's about privacy and boundaries, not trust, but she keeps framing it like I'm being unreasonable.
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  • Some of our mutual friends are saying I should just give her the key so we don't fight, but I honestly don't want to feel like my home isn't mine.
  • AITH for refusing to lend my apartment key even though she's upset about it?
  • Huge-Personality-737 NTA! Tell your mutual friends to give her a key to their apartment.
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  • OP Low_Love2693 Haha, right? I might suggest that. I don't want to ruin our friendship, but my apartment is my safe space giving her a key would just cross a line I'm not comfortable with.
  • life_to_my_years NTA this is an absurd expectation. Keys are something you give to close family, or at friend/partner who lives NEARBY to use in an emergency. Sounds almost like she wants "second home" in a city that she doesn't live in (I'm guessing there's a lot to do in your city?), for a free place to stay whenever she wants. Convenience without cost. H Ino.
  • OP Low_Love2693 Exactly, That's exactly how it feels like she wants a free, anytime- access pass to my apartment. I don't mind hanging out or having her over, but a key is a whole different level. It's my home, not a hotel or a second home for her.
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  • AvocadoJazzlike3670 If she wants an apt then she needs to get her own. Your place isn't her landing pad. She can't come and go as she pleases as it's not her place. She's being rde and anyone saying otherwise can give her their key
  • DazzlingPotion There's no reason she needs a key and it seems like maybe she wants to snoop or practically move in to the point you'd have a hard time getting her out. NTA
  • Successful_Moment_91 Or bring men there for hook ups
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  • SnappyGush Exactly this, OP! A friend respecting your space is part of respecting you. If she can't accept that boundary, that's on her, not you. Wanting privacy in your own home doesn't make you unreasonable; it makes you healthy.
  • Tiny NiceWolf Now let's not jump to conclusions. Maybe she wants to bring women there for hook ups.
  • JLAOM She's the one ruining the friendship by continuing to ask. I would rethink the friendship.
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  • vabirder I think she already ruined the friendship with this "request."

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